Homestudy Complete!

We have our hometsudy done! Yay! It was sent to join our other documents at the immigration office in Yakima, Washington on Tuesday and hopefully arrived yesterday. We now wait for an appointment to get fingerprinted (again) and then will wait for the final document saying that we can classify an orphan (that we will be matched with later) as an immediate family member. Once that happens, we rush down to Salem to get things authenticated, take it to Dove, who sends it to Washington DC and then on to Ethiopia! Once all of this waiting happens, we will officially be waiting! :) (Pray for patience for us!) :)

Homestudy part 2!

We had our second homestudy visit today and things went well. Noah was very good, and sat in my lap and colored most of the time. Our social worker was very friendly, answered a lot of our questions and we found out that we have the same pediatrician for our kids, which is cool because that means ours has experience with ET adoption! yay! We now have to wait for him to write it up, and unfortunately, he says he has a lot to do, so pray that we are either really patient or that he finds extra time to get them all done quickly! We'll keep you updated with another post once it's all done!

During this week of Thanksgiving we were challenged by our sermon Sunday to write down all that we are thankful for. We have started this list and together with that, and finishing our part of the homestudy, we just feel overwhelmed with God's goodness towards us and excitement for the future. There are uncertainties, but we are confident that God will provide and help us through all the ups and downs. :)

We want you to know that we are thankful for your support of our adoption. God has blessed us with great friends and family! Thank-you!

Passing Along This Article

Cross-Cultural Adoption Advice: The Do's and Don'ts for Grown-Ups
Cross Cultural Adoption Advice
By Amy Coughlin and Caryn Abramowitz, Authors of Cross-Cultural Adoption How to Answer Questions from Family, Friends, and Community

Do's of Cross Cultural Adoption

Do treat her like any other kid. It may be difficult and take a while for adopted children to feel like they belong within their extended families. Treating these children like they're "nothing special" can go a long way toward making them feel at home and comfortable within the group.
Avoid the temptation to spoil her because she didn't have everything that the other kids had in the first few months or years of her life. The most valuable gifts you can offer these children are patience, routine, and consistency -- and most of all, unexaggerated expressions of love and devotion.
Do support her when curious strangers ask questions. When curious (and sometimes thoughtless) strangers ask questions or feel the need to comment on the circumstances of the adoption, do not let them lead you into uncomfortable territory. Instead, gently steer them back to more suitable small talk or respond in such a way that shifts the conversation to positive adoption language that in turn lets the child know that you are on her side.
Do respect her privacy. Adopted children have the same need for and the right to privacy as you do. They do not want their entire life story being told to strangers. If she hears you discussing the intimate details of her origins, she will likely feel embarrassed. Until the child is old enough to decide for herself how much information she would like to share regarding her background, please respect her privacy.
Do treat prospective adoptive parents the same as expectant parents. Adopting a child is just as exciting for soon-to-be parents as being pregnant. They feel the same way all expectant parents do -- overjoyed, overwhelmed, nervous, impatient, and most of all, excited. Don't be afraid to ask adopting parents about these feelings. After all, adoption is neither a secret nor a source of embarrassment or shame.
Do acknowledge and celebrate the differences. One of the best things you can do to show your support as well as your love for the adopted child in your life is to learn a bit about the culture and history of her birth country. Read a couple of books, especially travel books. Even if you have no plans to travel there, there is no better way to get the feeling of another country.
Don'ts of Cross Cultural Adoption
Don't introduce her as adopted. The pain this inflicts on the child is obvious. The child is made to feel inferior, like she will never be considered a real part of the family. The rule is simple: Don't ever, ever do this.
Don't say how "lucky" she is. After hearing this enough times, the child can be made to feel like a lifelong charity case, rather than the cherished child she is. Yes, she is lucky, but so is any child who has a supportive, loving family. And we parents are lucky, too, to have been able to create this loving, supportive family.
Don't assume adoption is a second choice. The reasons people choose to adopt are as varied and unique as the people themselves. While it is true that many choose adoption because of infertility, it is also true that many choose adoption for a myriad of other reasons as well. Many people choose to adopt not because they are out of other options, but rather because they believe that adoption is the best choice for them.
Don't jump to conclusions about the birth mother. Often thought of as weak, irresponsible, cheap, and worthless, birth mothers often suffer a lifetime of pain far greater than that of childbirth. Please don't jump to the wrong conclusion that these women are any different than you and me or that they love their children any less.
Most cross-cultural adoptive families know little or nothing about the circumstances that led their child's birth mother to relinquish her child. What they do know is that they love their children's birth mothers because they are a part of their children and it is because of them that their beloved children are who they are.
Don't tell us we're sure to have "our own" now. She is our own. Those parents who choose adoption because of infertility do not secretly harbor lifelong yearnings for a biological child. Having "our own" is now irrelevant; the child we have is the one we want and it is inconceivable that we could love or want any child more. Like all parents, we have the best.
Copyright © 2004 Amy Coughlin and Caryn Abramowitz

God's Faithfulness!

The day after we decided we were adopting from Ethiopia and using Dove, our pastor gave an amazing sermon about tithing, and during it, I felt strongly that God was telling me that He (God) was going to take care of our adoption finances over and above what I could even ask or imagine. I was given complete confidence that the adoption is from God and that He is going to be in control of every aspect of it.

I hate to admit it but, after learning that we may have our new little one as early as June, I have really started to have a lot of anxiety about how we are going to pay for all of this, and have not been trusting God to take care of it like I know I should. We found out that several of the grants we were originally going to apply for require the country to have Hague accredidation (which Ethiopia doensn't have). We also have found that several that we do qualify for only help you ask friends, family or your church for money instead of give money directly toward the adoption (some of them provide matching funds, however). We are still praying about if any of these options are right or not, but I have been very convicted that I need to trust the Lord and let Him guide me and not try to make things happen on my own. I would really appreciate prayer that I would completely trust God to take care of our finances. This is very hard for me, but I know through prayer anything is possible!!

I also want to share with you several miracles that have already happened with our finances. (Then you can see how weak my faith really is since we have already been blessed tremendously!)

Our first miracle was that through an amazing sacrificial gift of a close loved one, we were able to have our first contract payment almost completely covered, which helped ease the pain of the initial contract which was in and of itself a little scary (pretty much there are no guarantees about anything with adoption) and didn't leave our bank account empty before we even got started. This was completely unexpected and an amazing act of giving towards us!

Our second was that our first "adoption fundraiser" that my sister-in-law did for us using her Partylite business, was hugely successful and raised $475 total, including people who gave private donations instead of buying candles. We were so blessed by all who bought things and gave donations. This covered a lot of our documents and education requirments for the adoption.

Our third miracle is that last night at house church I asked for prayer for my anxiety about finances and a couple in the group prayed for us. Today I received a check from them that had been post-marked on Monday, (and we prayed on Tuesday night) which really blessed my heart that God provides even before we ask for it.

Another huge blessing is that Brent's mom--who has a special gift for creating organized, buyer-friendly garage sales, has agreed to host a huge garage sale for us this spring as a fund-raiser. So, as you clean things out or think about getting rid of things, please consider donating them to our garage sale. We are happy to come pick items up from your house whenever it is convenient.

Paperwork, Paperwork!

We feel literally buried in paperwork! The good thing is that after all of my years working in special education, it really isn't so bad. We completed our homestudy paperwork in 2 1/2 weeks, and are aiming to have our dossier finished by the time our homestudy is complete. :) Poor Brent isn't as used to the crazy paperwork, but was a trooper and kept working until the job was done! I was so proud of him when he finished the last question!

Homestudy!

We had our first homestudy today, and it went very well. I actually did a pretty good job of not stressing about it and it was totally low key and relaxed! The only thing we have to do for next time is put a few plugs in outlet covers in our room that we forgot, and finish up our on-line training! Our next visit is scheduled for Nov. 24th, so we would love your prayers that things would go just as well next time and that we can get this portion of the adoption completed! The best part of the meeting was that he talked us through the timetable and thinks we might be able to travel to get our baby as early as June! Hooray!

How We Decided to Adopt From Ethiopia

To be honest, our decision started after loosing two babies due to miscarriage this past year. We were both very emotionally hurt and couldn't fathom going through that pain again. We then started to research adoption and found that there are many options out there and many, many children who need stable, loving homes. The more we researched and healed emotionally, the more we felt that God was tugging on our hearts to adopt, and it slowly changed into our hearts desire, instead of a way to avoid being hurt again. We know that this will not be easier than going through another pregnancy (although my pregnancies are very hard on me, even when there is a healthy baby), but feel amazing peace from the Lord that this is what he wants for our family.


Once we decided to adopt, we went on another huge journey of ups and downs emotionally as we researched agencies and tried to decide domestic vs. international. Everything logically pointed towards domestic- less travel, less paperwork, less cost, etc., but as we reseached, our hearts kept being pulled back to Ethiopia. We finally narrowed it down to an African-American infant program and Ethiopia and really wrestled with the decision for several months. We didn't feel released from either one, and I drove Brent crazy comparing them and discussing things endlessly. We both knew that this was a huge decision and wanted complete peace from the Lord and complete agreement between the two of us. We started attending seminars and finally, on Sept. 20th we finished one of the seminars and looked at each other and said, "This is it!" I cried tears of joy as we felt such amazing peace that surpasses understanding. The costs, paperwork and travel should make us worried and anxious, let alone the transition and unknowns that adoption brings, but both of us are thrilled beyond belief and certain that this is what God has for us.


The agency we chose is called Dove Adoptions, Int., and ironically enough is in Banks, OR! Who would have thought that it would be in my hometown and literally two doors down from Brent's work? The social worker actually lives in the house I grew up in! We are very pleased with our choice, and especially love that they were on of the first agencies in Ethiopia. They have a very good reputation with the orphanage they work with and are small enough to give us very personal service. :)